Some examples of correspondence sent to various departments of the Western Isles Council, Scotland.  There are serious problems of thinking in Gaelic and writing in English:

• I am writing on behalf of my sink which is running away from the wall.

• The toilet seat is cracked – where do I stand?

• This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.

• I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

• Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

• Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped and fell on it and she is now pregnant.

• Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

• This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get BBC2.

• The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

• The lavatory is blocked. #This is caused by the boys next door throwing their ball on the roof.

• I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

• Would you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

• Would you please send a man to repair my spout, I am an old-age pensioner and I need it straight away.

• I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.

 From Not the Worst of Tom Shields.