Some examples of correspondence sent to various departments of the Western Isles Council, Scotland. There are serious problems of thinking in Gaelic and writing in English:
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I am writing on behalf of my sink which is running away from the wall.
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The toilet seat is cracked – where do I stand?
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This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.
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I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
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Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
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Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped and fell on it and she is now pregnant.
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Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
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This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get BBC2.
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The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
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The lavatory is blocked. #This is caused by the boys next door throwing their ball on the roof.
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I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
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Would you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
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Would you please send a man to repair my spout, I am an old-age pensioner and I need it straight away.
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I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.
From Not the Worst of Tom Shields.
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